Elliot and the sea

In keeping with tradition, you may recall Maisie touching the sea before she touched the earth.... It was only fair, that Elliot be awarded the same joy.

Teeny toes, baby feet. So soft, delicate, perfect. They had never touched the ground. The first contact with the ocean first and land. Documented. Shared. Beautiful.

I’ve always favored the sea. Loved the smell, the depth, the movement. Have lived close to, or lived on it. It only seemed right, that Elliot should touch the sea before he touched the earth.

Almost 3

Dear Maisie lu, It's been a while since I've written but believe me... I've thought about it daily. I can barely find the words even now. I sit here typing away and you are on the couch eating yoghurt. Your brother (you have a 6 week old baby brother) is napping in his room (your old room) and I can't believe that we have known your sweet face for three years.

Three years ago I had no idea what you would look like, what I'd feel like, who you'd be. We made it through the sleepless nights, made it through you learning to crawl, walk, talk. You stole our hearts over and over, and continue to daily. You've taught us patience, perseverance, and what it is to love. You taught your dad and I to love each other more, to slow down and love moments more. You taught us that even though things can get rough in the middle of the night with crying and diapers and exhaustion... the sun comes up in the morning. You smile, you hug, you love and you carry on. You taught me that I can do everything by the book... everything right... and still get it wrong. But, that it doesn't really matter in the end. You taught us to put our heart and soul into raising you and cross our fingers and hope for the best. Three years ago our world was forever more beautiful, more alive, more vibrant, more heartbreakingly joyous, and more incredibly terrifying. Three years ago today I was pacing around Vancouver Island cursing STILL being pregnant... you were worth waiting for my girl.

Your little voice "mommy you are a great best friend" "I love you too mommy, you take good care of me!" "Ok dad I 'frinkle' pixie dust on you and you can fly downstairs" or "daddy I pooped a snake"... the sound of your ongoing commentary with your toys, your "guys" as you line toys up all over the house. Finding princess stickers on my pants in public, you hiding behind my legs when you are unsure, watching you draw arms straight out of your drawings head, seeing you be kind and loving to your new baby brother... all unexpected joys. All treasures.

I had no idea how you would be with a new baby in the house. We prepped you, constantly... You knew he was coming. I lay in the hospital bed just like I told you I would be, holding a new baby... I could see you through the door searching for us.. grandma "Ramma" holding your hand. You looked excited, nervous, adorable... I called your name... I had just given birth to a 10 pound 8 oz baby... needless to say, I was a bit of a hot mess... wearing a $10 nightie from Winners and looking wildly dishevelled. You jumped over to me, hugged me, inspected me and said "ooooh pretty dress mommy." My heart burst. You. My first baby meeting our new baby... sitting there with your dad, inspecting this new creation. So sweet. So, so sweet. You continue to melt me with "I love him mommy, I love baby Ewiott, he's soooo cute" you want to read to him all the time, you want to "snuggle" with him, and kiss his little face. It's definitely true that when you welcome a new baby into your family, your first baby seems incredibly big... and seems to grow up overnight. Your hair seems longer, your mind sharper, you grew out of all of your shoes??!! (overnight??) and you are ALWAYS making us smile with the wild things you say, what treasures are swimming inside your head.

Last week we finally moved you into your new room (which has been ready for months) it was heartbreaking for me to see you so excited and courageously ready to face your new big girl bed. In the morning when I went in to check on you... you popped up and proudly announced "I did it mommy!". Heart wrenchingly sweet. These are the moments Maisie, these are the sweet, subtle moments in life that can dance around your heart if you let them. They can wash away fear, pain and negativity. They can heal a broken heart. These moments are what makes life so terribly beautiful. I love you so much my sweet girl, I hope your heart is always full of beautiful moments and sweetness. Love you, mom ox

Elliot Patrick

Our son is here.Elliot Patrick arrived safely February 15th 2013 at 9:16am. He weighed 10 pounds 8 ounces and measured 23 inches long. Today he is 11 days new. So loved. So precious. I've heard a lot about "isn't the second one so much easier". To be honest... not really. I don't find it easy. I find it sweet. I find it challenging, just like the first time (in different ways). I feel just as raw, exposed and vulnerable. I feel like it may not be so much "unknown" as with Maisie... but I'm miles from SuperMom. I was so grateful to have Bryce home for the first week, and now with him back at work, we're working at settling into our own rhythms as a family and getting to know how it all works as a family of four. Here are a few images of our newly complete family of 4 (well Frank is 5, but my anxiety levels weren't ready for him in the photo shoot too). However, don't let the following images deceive you..... I actually still look 3-5 months pregnant (well hidden here). Feeling fragile, feeling like my body has just been through a battle. Feeling a little on the tender side (emotionally and physically). I cry at any and everything. Seriously. Tears galore. Of course, throughout it all... I am still, always, incredibly grateful. Just felt the need to add a disclaimer to all. The photos reflect the deep satisfaction and love I feel... even when we all don't look like this all the time. Beyond words, beyond expectations, just really feeling the deepest sense of gratitude for my little precious beings. Thank you all for the kind words and support and love. Some times... even in the middle of the night, while smelling my sweet baby boys little head of blonde hair... I just can't believe how beautiful life is.

As always, thank you so much to Shannon, for helping us capture these fleeting moments in time, in our life. A part of our story. Seriously grateful. oxxo I am your photo slave for life. oxxo

Due dates and gratitude.

Today is my due date. This little boy if he was listening to the ultrasound tech, is supposed to arrive today. These entire 40 weeks they say "February 7". I tried to initially trick myself and say I was due on February 14. That wore off. I'm due today, and here I sit... baby still happily hanging out in my belly. This time is a bit easier, I must confess. I was 7 days overdue with Maisie and thought each day was a new and cruel game the universe was playing on me. This time, I know the reward... so I wait. I distract. I distract some more (thank you online shopping and Bamboletta), try and play mind games with this unborn babe. "Nah, take your time." I realize there are reasons for everything. I am absolutely not complaining. All is well. But, any woman who goes 'over due' knows that it is one of the more challenging waiting games you are faced with... until of course... the little miracles decides to make the grand appearance, and then suddenly... all is forgotten (or sort of). The pay off is worth it, the wait is worth it. But, if one more person says "almost there" to me.... things might get ugly. I get it. I'm almost there. I won't be pregnant in two weeks. (although a little sooner entry would be nice). So my little boy, come out when you're ready... but be nice to your mommy. Maisie tells me "he's too big to come out". I think "thats great sweetie". Just great. To all you mommas out there growing these little beings... be grateful. Even when it gets rough. Be grateful your body is able to carry these little wonders into the world. There are so many mommas who would do anything to be in our shoes. Be grateful. Perhaps as another distraction I'll do some more maternity photos today. But for now... the above photo is one from a couple weeks ago. I feel as though I've doubled in size... but, thats just how I roll. (the photo below is precious to me. Its been my view lately, and I love it.) ox